I don't want to die a copy. Do you?
March 11th, 2021
12:55pm
One hour and thirty six minutes. Two podcast episodes from The Journal, a quick call with Mom, and maybe listen to some John Mayer while doing the New York Times crossword puzzles. Doesn’t sound too bad. I usually don’t mind the drive when I’m alone but it does make the time fly by much faster when I have someone with me to talk to.
March 11th, 2021
12:56pm
My phone starts ringing loudly in my headphones and I pick it up to a cheerful voice.
March 11th, 2021
12:56pm
Now, you are probably familiar with the all too common phone call from a driver coming to pick you up when they can’t seem to find you because the map system has led them astray. Or, you are like me and almost always accidentally put in the wrong location. Well, another day in the life, I send this poor man on a wild goose chase to find me and my three massive suitcases in the middle of Florida. Normally, I would quickly explain my exact location and follow with a sincere apology for the mistake, hang up, and then get in the car upon arrival.
March 11th, 2021
12:57pm
My driver doesn’t hang up the phone, he politely asks if I can direct him until he arrives at my location, just to prevent any further complications. I happily oblige, only with the hesitant afterthought of the awkward silence over the phone that will likely follow.
March 11th, 2021
12:57pm
I hate awkward silences. On the phone, in an interview, at the dinner table with friends. The moment one conversation ends and each individual begins internally racking their brain trying to come up with something else to say. Something relevant but not uninteresting. Something new and exciting but not unnatural. A comfortable segway to a new topic. Writing about it even makes the hair on my arms stand up as a cringing chill runs through my spine. I wonder why I hate those moments so much. A moment beautifully filled with the quiet frenzy of individuals wanting to find a way to connect with one another. Shouldn’t that be something we cherish, not despise?
February 19th. 2021
8:36pm
I sit down at the table under the twinkling string lights, surrounded by the beautiful flora and fauna of this magical restaurant situated on a farm in the middle of the mountains. At the end of this 40 person table is me and a young 11 year old girl. You see, although I am 21 and according to the United States government a legal adult, when it comes to family and friends adult gatherings, I am most definitely still a kid. Sometimes I give off a tiny sigh of relief as the pressure to answer question after question, talk politics, current events, etc, etc, gently subsides when I take my seat at the kids end of the table.
February 19th. 2021
8:36pm
When talking to adults or individuals older than myself, I find no hesitation in making the assumption that they know about everything and probably so much more than I do. I often forget that children do not. I forget that they have so much more to learn about themselves and the world around them. I forget that I must choose my words carefully and keep the “adult” topics off limits. I do have two younger siblings so I am used to turning this filter on and off, but even so, I am only human and still slip up from time to time.
Therein lies the flip side to sitting at the kids table. What do you talk about? Awkward silences are seemingly inevitable. I always try to think about when I was that age, what I liked and how I spent my time. As the years go by, those details begin fleeting but I can still recall most if I really put my mind to it. For my 11th birthday, I asked for a new DS Nintendo in royal blue and a new pair of converse. When I wanted to have a playdate with a friend after school, my mom would use the landline in my kitchen to call my friend’s house and set it up. Sleepovers consisted of High School Musical marathons and ice cream sundaes.
February 19th. 2021
8:37pm
I hear Palmer asking me what filter I like for her selfie on Snapchat.
February 19th. 2021
8:37pm
She knows what Snapchat is? I didn’t even have an Instagram account until I was 16!
I am in awe until I pause, and I remember. The year was 2011 when I was her age and the world was an enormously different place. The iPhone is no longer some shiny new toy that just hit the market. It is a staple in our modern society, one that most individuals now find they absolutely cannot live without. No wonder she knows what Snapchat is.
February 19th. 2021
8:38pm
We talk about social media for a while and the back and forth we had sounds all too familiar to me because it is exactly like conversations I have with friends my own age. We talk about how so many girls are obsessed with portraying a certain persona through their Instagram feed. We talk about how sad it is when people feel this pressure to post so often that their life starts being lived through their device. Then she tells me how left out she feels when her friends post Tik Tok video’s without her. When the Snapchat stories seem hours long and the girls at school won’t stop talking about how much fun they had without her yesterday. The same anxieties and fears surrounding social media that I see in people around me at 21 years old are the same for the 11 year olds. The two may hold varying levels of gravity or significance at different ages, but at the core, they seem to be one and the same.
February 19th. 2021
8:59pm
Aside from the cute little restaurant, the farm also has an array of little shops and a market with the most fresh produce you could ever find in the area. We explore the grounds to once again escape the peppering questions and Palmer introduces me to a new trend on Tik Tok. While I stare longingly at the gorgeous colors of the fruit, my gaze is interrupted by the phone screen filming closely, moving side to side to get the best angle. This is part of the “aesthetic” trend circling the preteen and teenage Tik Tok scene. Short videos of visually pleasing settings stitched together and coupled with the appropriate music for the well, aesthetic, of the video. This is new to me, but not to the world by any means.
Tik Tok rose in popularity amongst the Gen Z population at an unprecedentedly fast rate. Although the app was created in 2016, the start of the global pandemic in 2020 brought about an alarmingly massive increase in users to the app. I do admit I spend my fair share of time on Tik Tok. What can I say, the delicious recipes that pop up on my screen are too enticing to resist. But I don’t know how to film a video, edit it, add music, splice it together, and post it for the world to see. This routine has seemingly become common knowledge for kids like Palmer.
February 19th. 2021
8:59pm
With some understanding how the mind of an 11 year old girl growing up in this day and age works, I realize that the initial discomfort and hesitation I harbored surrounding the fear of awkward silences and lack of conversation topics never manifested itself at all.
March 11th. 2021
12:57pm
“Just a couple more minutes and we will have you on your way. Are you hungry? I’ve got some good snacks and drinks waiting for you, if you would like. I want to make sure you are as comfortable as possible today. I will tell you right now, I swear this will be the best Lyft ride of your life. 5 stars, no question. I promise you that, Miss Devon.”
The Toyota Four Runner pulls up to the curb. I can tell I am being greeted with a smile by that slight squint of his eyes peering at me from above the top of his mask.
“Let me get those bags for you!”
“Thank you very much.”
“You are more than welcome, Queen Devon.”
March 11th, 2021
12:58pm
I hop into the car, intrigued by his words from that short phone call prior. I am not sure whether to suppress the slightly unsettling feeling that is beginning to bubble in my stomach. I know I am probably not the only one who knows the feeling. Getting into a complete stranger’s car, entrusting this individual with safely getting me from one place to another. The millions of possibly horrific events that can occur, albeit rare and farfetched, always seem to occupy my thoughts in these moments.
March 11th. 2021
12:58pm
I think as human beings we hold an inherent fear of discomfort. In turn, we try our best to avoid uncomfortable situations at all costs. Sitting down to dinner with a child, getting into a car with a stranger, navigating the awkward silences that perpetuate our daily lives. In each of these moments, the moments we recognize in conjunction with a feeling of discomfort, we long for a sense of familiarity to put our minds at ease. But sometimes that sign we are looking for never shows up and we are left with a decision to make. Do I take the plunge and dive in head first or do I pull my toes out of the water, turn around, and walk away?
March 11th. 2021
12:59pm
We make the usual small talk and introductions that typically sum up the entirety of my conversations with any ride share driver. But from the first moment I heard his voice on the phone, I knew the conversation would not be ending here.
I meet Jay Carrero - a Preacher, a Latin Christian Rock sensation, a father, a husband, a mentor, and so much more. We speak about his most recent project - developing affordable housing using state of the art technology all while employing individuals recently released from correctional facilities. The project is not about the profit margin for Jay, but about the mission and the vision. We speak about land he purchased in Peru that turned out to be situated over an incredibly large aquifer that now provides the water for his chicken farm and supplies the local businesses. We speak about the young girl he mentored that went on to create a company providing assistance to high end clientele on how to spend more quality time with loved ones. That young girl had a meeting with the CEO of Chick-fil-A and when asked how much money she wanted as an investment, she responded with the number zero. She had come in search of wisdom and guidance. He teaches me about the Five Languages of Love. He tells me about how his band was #1 in Latin America for Latin Christian Rock but how he ended his career to go home and spend more time with his wife and five children. He tells me that everyone is born into this world as a unique individual but that his goal, and the reason for starting his church, is to ensure we do not all die copies. He drives for Lyft, not for the money, but to connect with people.
March 11th. 2021
2:31pm
I step out of the car and I pause for a moment. I look around me, from my left to my right on this street corner.
March 11th. 2021
2:31pm
What stranger will walk into my life like that again. I look down at my phone to find about 4 missed calls, 20 text messages, and however too many to count notifications. I haven’t even checked my phone since before I got in the car. I was so infatuated with the simple act of conversation that the rest of the world seemed to disappear.
March 11th. 2021
2:32pm
You might think I am about to go on about technology and how it infringes upon our ability to notice the world around us. While I could go on about that for hours, I would rather take a moment to notice the unexpected meaning I found in what could have been a most uncomfortable situation. Today, I decided to take the plunge.
March 11th. 2021
2:33pm
If I had let my fears get the best of me, I would have never learned about the incredible person sitting in the driver’s seat of that car. Why can’t I stop thinking about that car ride? I am infatuated with the unexpected nature of the situation. I love those stories. The wisdom just imparted upon me about topics I would have never thought to learn about on my own.
February 9th. 2021
10:35am
My Dad emails me articles every day. “How Venture Capitalists Make Decisions”; “The only 3 things you should include in your cover letter”; “Coronavirus Pushes Higher Education to the Brink”; and the list goes on, filled with numerous topics and subject matters. I love to learn new things so those headlines that pop up in my inbox excite me. But you see the other thing is, I never really loved to read. Don’t get me wrong, I desperately wish I loved to read. I was always the last to raise my hand when my seventh grade teacher would tell us to quietly read to ourselves and let her know when we had finished. I hated that feeling, which I assume made me hate reading all together right alongside. Now, here is where the internal dilemma I am faced with comes into play each time I receive an article from Tim Presutti. I want to know what the article says but I don’t want to actually go through the process of reading it. Pretty stupid, huh? If I want to learn about it, I need to read it. I know, but my brain seems to have a mind of its own. All of this is to say that half of the time my eagerness to learn emerges victorious and half of the time my subconscious fear of reading takes over.
February 9th. 2021
10:35am
Uncomfortable situations can come in all shapes and sizes, it simply depends on the person. You might find my discomfort in reading absolutely ridiculous, but I could find something that makes you uncomfortable just the same. No matter what it may be, the situation boils down to a shared aversion to the uncomfortable, in my eyes.
February 9th. 2021
10:34am
“Something-of-value” reads the subject line in my inbox. I click on the document to find a memo from world renowned investor Howard Marks, to this firm Oaktree Capital Management. I happen to be hopping on a plane today and the desire to expand my knowledge seems to be dominating the competition so the 20 page single spaced document will have to be my entertainment. I begin reading the memo to find Marks discussing two types of investing - value and growth. Bear with me as I try to define these terms for you - I am still getting the hang of all this financial jargon. Value investing focuses on investing in companies that hold worth quantifiable by their fundamentals and cash-flow generating abilities, and determining whether the price of the stock is below the placed value, making it a smart investment. Growth investing focuses on investing in companies that have the potential for majorly rapid growth in the future and hold high valuations for their long term potential. The memo then discusses how successful investors, such as the infamous Warren Buffet, have chosen the method of value investing for decades, and have demonstrated nothing but immense success. Yet I then find that Marks goes on to discuss for the majority of the latter part of the memo what he learned about the newfound importance of growth investing from his son while they were quarantined together at the start of the pandemic.
In brief summary, that is an overview of the knowledge I gained from reading the article. As an Economics major and someone interested in investing, I enjoyed the contents of the memo and felt it had been a worthwhile addition to the advancement of my education. I learned about two types of investing I had previously not known about, enough to be able to successfully (?) relay that information to you. I learned about the strategies successful investors employ and the changing landscape of the financial world.
February 9th. 2021
10:34am
I have once again allowed myself to take the plunge and push aside the inherent fear of discomfort, which in this case takes the form of the simple act of reading. If I had let those fears get the best of me today I wouldn’t have been able to learn these new things that have added to my bank of knowledge, that I will take with me as I continue on my educational and occupational journeys in life.
April 25. 2021
9:12am
Our minds are unconsciously programmed with preconceived notions. As a result, we close ourselves off to the possibility of finding meaning within certain situations. We allow our fears to take over and we push away the potential for something great. Within the hundredth article my Dad has sent me. Within a dinner seated across from an 11 year old girl. Within a conversation with my Lyft driver, a complete stranger. We ignore the potential these little moments hold to have an impact on our wealth of knowledge, our perspective on the world, our way of living.
April 25. 2021
9:13am
As a child, I was an overly optimistic little girl. The world was my oyster and held endless possibilities for me. I had never faced any real hardships, aside from receiving a B on that one Algebra test. I walked through life with a permanent smile on my face. Then, I got to high school and then to college and the reality of the harsh world we live in settled in quite quickly. It is certainly not all rainbows and butterflies. Indeed, the permanence of the smile wiped clean off, only coming back to surprise me from time to time. I realized that life was in fact a rollercoaster of ups and downs and not a rocket ship headed straight to the stars. At first, I didn’t like that at all. At all. But sitting here today, I can tell you that now I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Over the years I have grown up to realize that the experiences we have in our lives shape us into the people we end up to be. I have learned to appreciate all that life hands me, both the good and the bad just the same. Most of all, I learned how to take a step back and look at each moment, each experience from a fresh, new perspective. As humans, we often take what happens to us at face value and forget that perhaps, if we adjust the angle, the story could look completely different. The fear of the unknown does not have to dictate our every move. Sometimes opening up to something so unbearably uncomfortable from a far can turn out to be the most nurturing up close. Before any of that can even occur, you have to let the worries subside and just dive in. Head first. Because perhaps if you don’t, then Jay is right. We will all end up dying as a copy.